Family Experiences
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Family A
One night, Els (56) was woken up by the noise of a loud thump. It was Harry (62), who had fallen out of bed. It looked like he was in a coma, so she panicked and rang 112. The ambulance workers suspected that Harry had drunken so much alcohol in such a short amount of time that he had gone into a coma. Els was shocked, because as far as she knew, Harry never drank!
After being discharged from the hospital, Harry admitted that he had been hiding his drinking habit for 10 years. He drank whenever he felt stressed, which was basically every day. He realised he had become addicted and fought an internal struggle each day. But the alcohol always won. He was deeply ashamed of his behaviour and he told her that he would understand if she wanted a divorce. He asked for her forgiveness.
Together, they started looking for help. Once he had been admitted to the clinic, Harry revealed that he had been abused mentally and physically as a child by his father. He had been wiping these memories from his brain for years. However, they re-emerged more frequently these last few years. He started drinking in an attempt to numb his memories and emotional pain.
During this time at the clinic, Harry learned how to deal with his childhood traumas. At the same time, during one of the relationship therapy sessions, he admitted to his wife for the first time in their 34-year marriage what had happened during his childhood. Harry hasn’t touched a drop of alcohol in five months now. He still attends relationship therapy sessions with his wife and receives individual therapy for this traumatic childhood experiences.
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Family B
As both his daughters Carolien and Mireille, and his wife Eva had given him an ultimatum (you either admit yourself to an addiction clinic or you will never see us again), Karel arrived at our clinic with hesitation. He admitted to himself that he drank too much sometimes, but he knew when to stop and he certainly wasn’t addicted.
When Karel arrived at our clinic, his breath test result was 2.2. He was convinced our breathalyser wasn’t working properly, as he had only had three glasses of wine the night before and that was more than 14 hours ago. After three weeks of intensive therapy, Karel started realising that he had been drinking alcohol excessively for at least ten years. There was always a bottle of vodka in his car and he had always started drinking earlier and earlier, from 6 p.m. at night to around 11 a.m. in the morning.
During his conversations with his wife and daughters, he was being told in a more upfront manner how much pain and sorrow he had caused them and how angry they were with him. They felt disgusted by this man who made the living room unsafe with his slurring, drunken behaviour.
Following the advice from our systemic therapist, each one of them wrote a letter to the alcoholic Karel while Karel wrote a letter to each of them, telling them about his regret and promising that he would get better. A lot of emotions came to the surface when these letters were being written and read. This gave them all the opportunity to put an end to their awful experience with alcohol.
On the day Karel was discharged from the clinic, they decided to perform a ritual to banish this awful time and the accompanying emotions from their lives, and to be able to start with a clean slate. Karel has successfully conquered his drinking habit. They still participate in regular family therapy sessions.
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Family C
Arjan (37) was raised in a warm, tight family environment. During his studies at university, it became clear that he would become a great business man. After his father died, which brought his family even closer, he started up a successful business using some of his inheritance. When he was 29, Arjan fell deeply in love with a gorgeous woman. Unfortunately, she was a big spender, and her circle of friends were all keen to grab their share of his wealth.
His five elder sisters warned him about his girlfriend and her friends, but Arjan was blinded by love and dismissed their concerns. To keep his girlfriend happy, he regularly organised outrageous parties, where lots of drugs were experienced with and plenty of alcohol was consumed. The couple regularly flew to Ibiza for a long weekend of partying.
When his accountant informed him that he should drastically reduce his spending to be able to keep afloat, the ship was already sinking. Arjan decided to start working extremely hard in an attempt to turn the tides. This brought along a lot of stress, which led him to more alcohol and the use of cocaine to keep him going. His girlfriend, whom he wasn’t able to spend much time with anymore, and who was now restricted in her spending habits, left him to be with one his best mates. This is when Arjan collapsed, together with his business. After his business had been declared bankrupt, he left for an indefinite time to a warmer place. He was really convinced he would be starting up another business as soon as he was back on his feet.
His sisters stepped in. They believed that upon his return, it would be best for Arjan to stay away from the environment that brought him down. An environment in which all his friends were addicted to drugs and alcohol. The sisters cleared his house, put his things into storage, and started interfering with his life in every possible way. They meant well, but it really didn’t do Arjan any good. He had lost all sense of self-respect and confidence; his manly pride had been wounded. The money given to him by his sisters to help him take the time he needed to recover, which they believed he needed, was spent by Arjan on alcohol and more cocaine.
When they realised that he could no longer go without, they begged him to admit himself to a clinic. After a couple of weeks of intensive withdrawal symptoms, Arjan projected all his anger towards his five sisters: he never wanted to see or speak to them again, which devastated his mother. The thorough treatment at the clinic helped him realise that he had actually brought everything upon himself by making the wrong choices. He agreed to participate in systemic therapy sessions with his sisters. After letting them express their anger and reproaches towards one another, the therapist succeeded in helping them show mutual understanding. Arjan was able to express his gratitude for what they did to help from falling in a deeper hole. His sisters were able to see that by taking away all responsibilities from him, they actually pushed him towards the exact thing they were trying to avoid: addiction.
Arjan is now back on the road towards rebuilding his life. His sisters have learned to trust him again and to help him only when he explicitly asks for it.
